The Initiation

The first time I ever ate horseradish was during a Jewish holiday in Montreal. I was 5 or 6 at the time, and until then I hadn't been fed anything but bland baby food. But the time had come to prove my manhood.

I was given a small portion of the red, mushsy substance but took too much on my fork. My eyes welled with tears, my face flushed, my nose ran, my ears burned. It was the Queen's Coronation, Fourth of July and Simchas Torah, all rolled into one.

Eating horseradish is like the Chinese recipe for curing aches and pains; beat your head against a wall, and the pain in your body goes away, and all that remains is the pain in your head. If you eat enough horseradish, nothing matters in the world, except the explosion in the center of your head.

My grandmother was a good cook who made the traditional Jewish dishes. Her favorite was kneidel. Not the soft, fluffy kneidel we know today, but a tightly packed, indestructible and delicious kneidel. To prevent rising beyond your station, she put a kneidel in your stomach. It made it very difficult to rise at all.

Beat egg yolks with chicken fat until thick and well blended. Pour over the hot water or hot broth and beat well. Add matzo meal mixed with the salt and then fold in egg whites that have been beaten until stiff but not dry. Chill for about 30 minutes. Wet hands with cold water and shape into small balls. Drop gently into 2 quarts boiling broth or boiling salted water. Reduce heat, cover and cook gently 20 to 25 minutes.